Becoming a Fallen Angel

"Catie! Get in here!" Mother shouted.

Sighing, Catie put down her book, got off of her bed, and walked into the living room.

"Yes?" she asked.

"You let the dog get on the sofa again," Mother said, glaring at Catie. The dog, a small brown collie named Five, was curled up in the corner looking guilty.

"Sorry," Catie said.

"What are you doing today?" Mother interrogated.

Again with that stupid question. Catie knew Mother didn't really care if she wanted to do anything. She was always having to make up plans that she had no intention of carrying out, just so she could go out with her friends. Mother never allowed her to leave the house unless she had a good reason, like job hunting or going to the gym. Spending time with friends wasn't a good enough reason. It was Labor Day, so she didn't have school today.

"Dawn wants to pick me up and we're going to go apply to Kroger on the computer in there."

"Ok, that's fine," Mother said, satisfied.

Mother liked Dawn. She was Catie's best friend but the two were opposites. Catie was pale, Dawn was tan. Catie liked rock and metal, Dawn liked hip hop and pop-rock. Catie was quiet and down to earth, Dawn was talkative and bubbly. But for all their differences, they had a kindred spirit. They'd been best friends for years and were all but inseparable when they got to be in the same building.

Mother liked Dawn because she was Catie's opposite. Mother hoped Catie would become more like Dawn.

Catie stood up to go get her bag when Mother stopped her.

"You're not going out like that, are you?" She wrinkled her nose and gestured to Catie: black t-shirt over a green shin-length skirt, black converse sneakers, striped hoodie, brown hair in twin buns, bangs over one eye, fingerless gloves that reached halfway to her elbows.

"Yes," Catie said slowly.

"No, you're not." Mother stood up, glaring. "You're going to put on some pants instead of wearing your pretty skirt with play clothes or you're not going out. Do not even have a hint of sexual immorality! Skirts with sneakers is something only promiscuous gothy witchy kids do. There are people out there who know me and know who you belong to, and you are not gonna reflect badly on me!"

Catie resisted the urge to hurt something as she pulled on some dark jeans and took off the skirt. Mother's logic was absurd. Mother was absurd.

When Dawn showed up, Catie's mood brightened.

"Hey Catie!" Dawn greeted her brightly.

"Hi Dawn!" Catie said cheerily.

"So, what are we doing?" Dawn asked.

"We're going to apply at Kroger, then take a walk," Catie replied with a wink.

"Ah, ok." Dawn looked at Mother. "We'll see you later, Mrs. Skinner!" And with that the girls got into her Jeep and got the hell off Catie's street.

As soon as they were out of sight, Dawn asked, "So what are we really doing? Your call."

Catie thought. "Let's go to the mall! I've got some money from babysitting, so we can get lunch, and maybe I'll get some more music."

"All right, let's do this!" Dawn accelerated, speeding toward Hickory Circle.

As soon as they reached the mall, the girls headed to Dragon Palace, the tiny Chinese restaurant situated between Sears and the arcade.

"All right, what do you want?" Catie asked, looking at the menu. Everything was under six dollars, and she had about thirty on her.

"Nah, I got me," Dawn replied, pulling out her wallet.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead and order."

"Ok." Catie turned to the lady behind the counter. "I'd like the sesame chicken, and an egg roll."

"What do you want to drink?" the woman asked.

"Just water, thanks."

As the woman began filling a white to-go box with fried rice and the chicken, Catie pulled five dollars out of her wallet and handed it to the man running the cash register, who took it, gave her change, and wished her a good day as the woman handed her the bag of food and a cup of water. Dawn had ordered sweet and sour chicken with an egg roll and Sprite.

Once they got their food, they went to a table out under the skylight to eat, talking about anything that came up: school, boys, movies. Catie was in her senior year of high school, but Dawn, being a year older, had already graduated and was at the local college majoring in nursing.

"So Catie, how's life at Talon High?" Dawn asked, pouring soy sauce on her rice.

Catie shrugged, averting her eyes. "It's ok I guess..."

Dawn put her fork down and grabbed Catie's hand. "Catie... I know when you're lying. What's going on?"

At that moment, Blake, a boy in Catie's grade who had picked on her since middle school, walked by, saw Dawn holding Catie's hand, and jeered, "Hey Catie, didn't know you were into girls! Haha, dyke!"

Catie glared at him and flipped him off, and he walked away laughing. She only liked boys, and so did Dawn, but Blake, Joshua, Charmaine, Myra, Jalen, Maggie, Christian, and the rest of them just enjoyed giving her a hard time and finding excuses to torment her.

"Oh. I see," Dawn said softly. "People still pick on you, huh?"

Catie lowered her eyes. "Yeah..."

Dawn pushed a strand of dirty-blonde hair out of her face and looked intently at Catie.

"Catie, you haven't... you know..." she trailed off and touched her right hand to her left wrist.

"I guess I can't hide anything from you, can I, Dawny?" Catie sighed, pulling off her left glove and revealing her wrist and lower forearm. Cuts adorned her skin, straight red lines dark against her pale flesh. None looked terribly deep, and some were nearly healed, but it was obvious she'd cut recently.

"Catie, sweetie, please stop this," Dawn pleaded.

Catie averted her eyes. "It's hard."

"I know it is, but please try!"

"I don't know if I can." She shook her head.

"You can do it, I know you can."

"I'll try, Dawn. That's all I can promise."

"Good," Dawn said with a small smile.

The two finished eating, threw away their trash, and feeling energized, Catie chirped, "Now, to Hot Topic we go!", grabbed Dawn's elbow, and began skipping in the direction of her favorite store.

Inside Hot Topic, music blasted from speakers behind the counter. A man in his thirties with dreadlocks, guages, and arm tattoos knelt in front of the makeup, restocking.

While Dawn went to check out the Hello Kitty stuff, Catie made a beeline to the CDs. She saw one labeled "Black Veil Brides - We Stitch These Wounds". There was another CD next to it labeled "Black Veil Brides - Set the World on Fire". That looked interesting. She'd heard of Black Veil Brides but never actually listened to them, so she turned to the little screen, hit LISTEN TO MUSIC, put on the giant headphones, and scrolled until she found Black Veil Brides. The first song she listened to had the same title as the first CD she saw: We Stitch These Wounds. As it played, she found herself smiling. The singer had a nice voice, and even though the song sounded less than happy lyric-wise, his voice sounded joyful, like he didn't love anything in the world more than singing. When that song ended, she decided to buy the album. Picking it up, she looked at the other one. She had a feeling it was calling to her to buy it as well. Looking at the prices on both of them, she was please to see they were only eleven dollars each, so she picked up both. Finding Dawn she asked "Find anything you like?"

Dawn turned around, showing off the pink, kitty-shaped sunglasses she had tried on, and grinned. "Yep. I'm so getting these."

The girls walked around for a little longer, until they decided to check out. The man asked, "You girls ready?"

"Yeah," Catie replied, grabbing a black eyeliner pencil.

"Black Veil Brides, nice choice," the man commented, rolling his lip ring around with his teeth as he scanned the CDs and removed the security cases. "They're pretty good."

"Cool, I can't wait to listen to the whole albums!" Catie grinned as he finished ringing up her purchases, and handed him a handful of fives. He gave her about a dollar and ten cents in change, and proceeded to ring up the sunglasses, green eyeshadow, and glow-in-the-dark nail polish Dawn was getting.

Once they left the store, Dawn reached into Catie's bag and pulled out the Set the World on Fire CD and looked at the cover.

"Oooh, these guys are hot!" she giggled, putting it back in the bag.

Catie smiled. "Yeah, they are. Can't wait to listen to them!"

"Well, what do you want to do now?" Dawn asked.

Catie thought. "Let's go in the arcade!"

Several hours, hundreds of tickets, and a bag of small prizes later, the girls left the arcade, giggling and sweating from their five rounds of Dance Dance Revolution they'd completed just before they called it quits.

"Just dance, gonna be ok, da-da-doo-doo, just dance, spin that record babe! Da-da-doo-doo, just dance-" Dawn's phone sang out "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga, until she reached into her pocket, whipped it out, and answered it.

"Hi momma," she said pleasantly. "I'm at the mall, why? ...Oh, now? ...Do I have to? ...Oh, all right. Be home soon. ...Yes, momma. Love you too. Bye."

Hanging up, she gave Catie a melodramatic look of despair.

"I gotta go home," she moaned, throwing an arm over her face. "My mom and dad are going out and they need me to watch James while they're gone."

"Oh, ok," Catie responded. "Just drop me off at my house and text me when you get home, ok?"

"Sure thing, babe."

Ten minutes later, Catie was walking through the front door of her house. Thankfully, her mother was on the phone, so she had only to wave before walking back into her own room, opening her CDs, and popping them into her laptop one after the other to rip them to her music library. Turning up the volume, she listened to the music while cleaning her room.

As she listened to the songs, she began to notice a trend in the lyrics. Each song seemed to have something to do with being strong and hopeful.

"Never give in, never back down, never give in, never back down, when your life feels lost, FIGHT AGAINST ALL ODDS, never give in, NEVER BACK DOWN!"

"We are young and we are strong, through strength in self we become something more than they can be, this is our sweet blasphemy."

"You're not alone, we'll brave this storm, and face today, you're not alone."

These lyrics touched her heart and brought a tear to her eye, and she wondered if it was true, if she could be strong. Then the second album began to play. It seemed all of these songs were more about having strength in a group, like an army or something. These lyrics truly spoke to her, and she had stopped cleaning completely and simply sat on her bed to listen.

"Fight for all you know, when your back's against the wall, stand against the liars, stronger than before, when your life becomes a war, set the world on fire."

The next lines nearly made her cry.

"Proud in all you are, showing every scar, as your badge of honor, when you can't take any more, of what they're living for, set the world on fire."

She pulled off her glove and looked at her wrist. She had promised Dawn that she would try to stop cutting, and she thought about the scars that would be left behind when it healed. Show them? As her badge of honor? Why would she want to show off what she had done to herself?

As each song played, she felt as if they were speaking directly to her. She felt she could relate to every lyric. She actually broke down crying during Saviour. It was so beautiful and comforting. It felt like these songs had become tangible and real, and that they were becoming her friends.

By the end of the album, she was head over heels in love with this band. She played the albums over and over, singing every song with them, until her mother called her for dinner, and even then, she hummed the songs as she scarfed down the fried chicken and salad Mother had prepared.

When she'd finished her meal, she excused herself and went back to her room, turning her music back on. She just lay on her bed looking at the ceiling, feeling as if the words were soaking into her body like lotion.

After We Stitch These Wounds had ended and Set the World on Fire began again, Catie looked at the clock on her nightstand. 10:00. She had school tomorrow. Sighing, she got up, undressed, put on the t shirt and shorts she slept in, and got back in bed, still playing her music.

Shortly after she closed her eyes, she began to dream.

She was falling through darkness, and landed on her feet. She looked down and saw that she was wearing a black long sleeved shirt, black jeans and sneakers. A white light came on overhead, as if from a small window high up, and five winged figures descended.

When they landed in front of her, they grouped together and looked at her. She recognzed them as Black Veil Brides, but they all had enormous, powerful-looking black wings that made them look like dark angels.

"What-what's going on?" Catie asked.

The angels looked at each other, and one stepped forward. He was about a foot taller than Catie, and had piercing blue eyes, long black hair that somehow looked fluffy and spiky and covered the right half of his face, and black makeup forming a line coming off the right side of his face with drawn stitches, like half of a Chelsea grin. He gave her a gentle smile.

"Hi, Catie," he greeted her.

"How do you know my name?" she asked, backing up a little.

He ignored her question and introduced himself.

"I'm Andy, the singer and the Prophet." He waved to the others, who came forward to introduce themselves.

"I'm Jake, the Mourner. I play guitar," said the one with makeup only on his eyes, streaming down his cheeks like tears, and hair to his shoulders.

"Jinxx. The Mystic. I also play guitar, and violin as well." He shook her hand, and she noticed his makeup looked a lot like the Crow.

"I'm CC, the drummer and the Destroyer," a third man said. His makeup consisted of black circles around his eyes and trailing down his cheeks, two more black streaks inside the ones from his eyes, and black lips. It was a bit intimidating but he had a nice smile even so.

"Name's Ashley," the fifth man said. He only had his eyes heavily lined, but he also had some thin black lines from his jaw to his neck, and the word "OUTLAW" tattooed on his stomach. "I'm the bassist. And the Deviant." He gave Catie a grin and a wink.

Andy walked forward again. "We're Black Veil Brides, but you probably already knew that."

His eyes fell on her left sleeve. "Let me see your arm."

She wrapped her right hand around her left wrist and shook her head, not meeting his eyes.

"Please, Catie. Show me," he insisted.

Sighing, she pulled up the sleeve and showed them her cuts.

Andy knelt in front of her and took her left hand, examining her wrist.

"One final fight for this tonight, with knives and pens we made our plight," he whispered, and looked up at her. "Do you know what that means?"

Catie shook her head.

"It means," Andy began, standing up, "that you have a choice. When you feel depressed, you can choose. The knife or the pen. You can hurt yourself, or you can write it out."

"I can't write it out, my mother might find it," she argued.

"Haven't you got anything that you can protect your writings in?"

"I do have Microsoft Word on my computer, it can password protect documents. And I have a calculator that stores text and can put passwords on programs," she said thoughtfully.

"Then do that," he told her, bending so he was at her level and staring right into her eyes. "Type everything you feel into your laptop or your calculator, all of it! Don't hold anything back. Let it all out. Choose the pen, not the knife." The intensity of his gaze was almost intimidating, but she could see in his eyes that he only wanted her to be ok.

All five members surrounded her then, and Andy straightened up.

"There's something else we need to ask you," he said.

"What?" she asked.

He looked at her. "Do you ever feel... alone?"

She was a little stunned by the question. Biting her lip, she looked down at the floor.

"Like you have nobody who can relate to you?" Jake added.

"The world is crashing down on you and you have to bear it all by yourself?" Jinxx said softly.

"People always trying to hurt you, and not a soul comes to your aid?" Ashley chimed in.

"Do you feel weak on your own?" CC asked.

Catie winced. She felt all of those things all the time. Dawn was pretty much her only close friend. She had a few friendly acquaintances at school, but she doubted any of them would be there for her if she needed them to be.

"Yeah," she replied finally.

"Well, we have some news for you," Andy announced. "You're not alone."

As he said this, there was a sound of footsteps, and the light grew both softer and brighter at the same time, and illuminated an extroadinary sight.

Hundreds, no, thousands of kids, all between twelve and twenty, formed a ring around them. They were all dressed in styles deemed socially unacceptable by the popular folk: emo, goth, punk, scene, even a few gangsters here and there. All wore dark colors. Looking at their faces, Catie saw that most of them also wore makeup similar to the band's. Many copied the style of each member's eye makeup or had come up with their own design, but they all had one thing in common, and that was a line of stitches like Andy's, on the left side of their faces. She also noticed that every single one of them had wings, and not a single pair was perfect. Most were black; a few were white or brown. Some were torn, some scarred, some missing feathers, some were stained with blood, ink, or dirt, some were broken and wrapped in bandages, a few were bleeding.

"Who are they?" Catie asked, backing up a little.

Andy smiled and swept his arm out toward the crowd.

"They are our fan base, called the BVB Army. The boys are called Ushers and the girls are called Bridesmaids. Bullied, beaten, broken, and beautiful. Called by our music, they stand together as one, to fight against bullying and protect one another."

Catie looked out at the crowd again. Many of them were talking to each other and smiling. Some were supporting others whose wings were broken and bleeding and helping them to stay standing. Several of them noticed her, smiled, and beckoned to her. She could only stare in surprise.

"Do you want to join them?" Andy asked.

Catie was still doubtful. "Why should I? What difference will it make?"

He smiled. "I'll tell you. You'll never have to be alone again. We're a family. We will never judge you, harm you, or leave you. Though many of the Bridesmaids and Ushers have never met, they are all connected by our music. They all care for one another and will always protect another member in need. Even if you're the only person present against a crowd of bullies, we have your back and will give you strength. Those in the army draw strength from each other."

Catie thought about it, and the idea of being cared for pulled so hard at her heartstrings that she lowered her eyes and whispered, "Yes."

"Can't hear you, Catie," Andy pressed.

Raising her head, she looked him in the eyes, looked at the other band members, then at the Army, and said as loud as she could without shouting, "Yes! I'll join you."

Cheers went up from the Army, and the band closed in around her. Each member hugged her individually and kissed the top of her head, then they all hugged her at once. When they released her, Andy waved to the Army, who poured forth like a flood of shadows, and she suddenly felt many arms around her as they all tried to embrace her at once, telling her they were so proud of her for joining them, and how much they loved her, and how they would be with her through thick and thin. All this affection was new to her, and she found herself breaking down and crying on the shoulder of a black-haired girl, who stroked Catie's hair and cooed "Shhhh" softly.

When her tears seemed to have run out, the Army backed off, leaving her facing the band, who now had their instruments, microphones, and other equipment at the ready.

Andy smiled at her. "Catie, this is for you. Welcome to the Army."

As soon as he said this, CC struck his strumsticks together four times and they began playing Fallen Angels. The whole band, as well as the Army, were singing at the top of their lungs, dancing, headbanging, shouting, and basically pouring their souls out with the music.

"We are the in between
Cast down as sons of war
Struck to the earth like lightning
From this world we're torn!

We won't cause the pain
of living out their law!
Take joy in who you are-"

The entirety of the Army stretched out their wings and raised their hands as they practically screamed back at him, "WE KNOW OUR WINGS ARE FLAWED!"

"We're bored to death in heaven, and all alone in hell-"

"WE ONLY WANT TO BE OURSELVES!"

"We scream!" Andy sang.

"WE SCREAM!" the Army sang back.

"We shout!" Andy yelled.

"We SHOUT!" the Army yelled back.

"WE ARE THE FALLEN ANGELS!" they all sang together.

"We scream!"

"WE SCREAM!"

"We shout! Woah-wooooaaaaaahhhh!"

"To those who sing alone-" Andy stopped singing and held the mic out towards the Army, who sang back "No need to feel this sorrow!"

"We scream!"

"WE SCREAM!"

"We shout!"

"WE SHOUT!"

"WE ARE THE FALLEN ANGELS!"

"Follow the morning star
A light when darkness fell
The passion left unholy
Now you find yourself!"

"We have nowhere to go," sang the Army, "No one to wish us well! The cry to find our home-" Andy joined in, "OUR STORIES THEY WILL TELL!"

Everyone seemed to get more and more passionate as they sang the chorus a second time, and then a guitar solo, and then singing the chorus again. A few Bridesmaids and Ushers had risen into the air, their wings beating furiously, and continued singing at the top of their lungs as they danced in midair, while others had fallen to their knees and lifted their faces, tears streaming from shut eyes, and screamed the lyrics.

When the song had ended, all of them were in tears and smiling from ear to ear.

It was the greatest high Catie had ever experienced. It was better than Tylenol, Nyquel, and especially cutting. Never in her life had she experienced so much joy all at once.

Closing her eyes, she whispered, "Thank you... all of you."

She felt herself falling, but she could hear the voices of the band and the Army speaking to her.

"Live your life..."

"Listen to your music way too loud..."

"Be as different as you want to be..."

"And always remember..."

"You're not alone."

"Never give in."

"We are always with you."

"We are the Fallen Angels."

"We will never leave you."

"A Saviour will always be there when you feel alone."

"Don't forget."

"Never, ever forget."

------------

Catie opened her eyes to the sound of a most unceremonious beeping, also known as her alarm clock. It was six thirty in the morning. She got up and went to the window, opened it, and looked out at the sunrise. Brilliant reds, majestic purples, and vivid pinks dazzled her eyes. She took a breath and began to sing softly, "You're not alone, we'll brave this storm, and face today, you're not alone." As she sang, she felt a sense of peace in her heart and remembered her dream and everything the band and the Army had told her. She felt strong, even if she herself was weak. She felt she could take on anything.

Getting dressed, she pulled on some clothes that she loved but had not worn in a long time because of the teasing they had earned her: a HIM t-shirt, black skinny jeans with safety pins holding holes in the legs shut, a wristband with a smiley face embroidered in white, a choker with a Heartagram charm dangling from it, and a My Chemical Romance hoodie. As soon as she was dressed, she tied her hair back into twin ponytails, applied generous amounts of eyeliner, snatched up her cell phone, headphones, and mp3 player, now loaded with BVB songs, and slung her book bag onto her back. Passing through the kitchen, she grabbed a couple of Pop-Tarts from the cabinet and called to her mother that she was headed to school.

When the bus pulled up to the corner, and she got on it, everyone, including the driver, gave her strange looks, and a lot of the other kids began to laugh. Catie fought the urge to get angry, started humming "Set the World on Fire" softly, and smiled at them before sitting down. A boy threw a pencil at her.

"Hey! Emo! What's got you so happy? Kill a baby this morning?" he jeered.

Catie smiled at him and simply responded, "Nope, just in a good mood. You have a good day, all right?"

The boy looked surprised and confused, and stammered out, "Yeah, whatever. You too. Don't cut yourself too deep, freak."

For the first time, the taunts weren't bothering her. She felt as if they were rolling right off of her, like water rolling off a duck's feathers.

For the first time since she could remember, Catie felt truly alive. She could see the light at the end of the tunnel now, and it was almost right within her grasp. She'd gotten a taste of hope and now she was never letting it go.

Today was a new day.